2010 BALI SOCCER SIXES – Play by Play Report!

‘I hear Tony Adams has just admitted he’s an alcoholic, that took a lot of bottle’
– Ian Wright

The beer was cold and plentiful, the food hot and edible, and as Duran Duran boomed out of the PA system we were under way.

At 9a.m on May 29th the inaugural event for the BSF Asia kicked off at Samudrah field in the form of the 2010 Bali Soccer 6’s and Coaltrans World Cup; by 10 it was clear which players had taken to their team building exercises in Kuta with gusto. But such was the nature of a weekend that was more about fun and fundraising than classy football. The Singapore Exiles Captain possibly put it best after losing 1-0 to a decent German Plus Jakarta side, “it was as if they were actually trying to win the game!”
At the end of the day’s play, when results were all but forgotten, congratulations were given to the ‘Gima’ team who managed to stay sober enough, for long enough, to walk away with the fetching horse head trophy as the winners of the Bali Soccer 6’s competitive, and likewise for the ‘Do It Utd’ team who won the veterans. The only sour note for many of the players as they celebrated and commiserated with equal abandon, was that they would have to do it all over again the next day, but this time, they’d be representing their country. No pressure then.

And so it was that on Sunday May 30th, at the far more reasonable hour of 12 that players dripped their way back into Samudrah field for one last roll of the dice. Limbs ached, and heads throbbed but never the less those brave souls trudged back onto the field in the name of charity and national pride. The Duke of Wellington is meant to have commented upon reviewing his troops before battle with France that, ‘I don’t know what effect these men have upon the enemy but by God they terrify me.’ The good Duke may well have had a coronary if he’d spotted a few of the motley crew that sauntered onto Samudrah.

I should at this point, spout a long-winded review of the mesmerising football that took place on that roasting Sunday afternoon, but I can’t. The previous day’s exertions, and the previous night’s escapades had taken their toll. Spectators and statisticians will note that it was Italy who won the CoalTrans World Cup (possibly a good omen for South Africa?), but your correspondent would like to stray from the tried and tested route of review and saunter down an all together more unorthodox path by recognising the achievements of those who made the weekend what it was. Not for their sporting prowess, or dedication to the game, but to their ability to make the 6’s weekend a memorable one for all involved.

The Bintang Award for biggest drinkers. – Australia.

They may not have won a single game, but they went through more tinnies per head than most of the other teams put together. Their constant cries of ‘Ozzie, Ozzie, Ozzie!’ were awe inspiring to some, infuriating to others but they played in the right spirit. There was a heavy cloud of Bintang hovering over them at all times yet they still managed to get a draw against Scotland. Well played sirs, well played.

The Armani Award for Best Kit. – Ireland

The sport of football has seen more than it’s fair share of the weird and wonderful when it comes to a team’s kit, Anyone who has followed Manchester Utd over the years will bear testament to this, but in all my years of following the beautiful game I’ve never encountered a strip so perfectly simple yet effective. The traditional green and white was present from the Micks, but with an added twist. Each member had No.12 and HANDBALL on their jerseys, a more than subtle aside to a certain dirty Frenchman’s lack of sporting morals in recent weeks.

I doubt if Mr. Thierry Henry is a subscriber to the Bali Sports Mag, but if he is, I would strongly suggest he leave Dublin off his list of potential vacation spots. His act of dishonesty will not be soon forgotten, nor forgiven.

“Never give an Irishman cause for revenge,” – Sin City.

The Peter Schmeichel Award for Best Save – Chris Pardey, England vs Bali.

The Singapore Exiles Veteran gave up his usual role of centre back and donned the gloves for the World Cup, presumably hoping for a late call from Fabio Capello. He did his chances of heading to South Africa with Rooney and co. no harm with a brilliant double save against Bali, the second of which being from point blank, blasted straight against his face with spine tingling force. The ‘mouth from the south’ showed no pain, nor regret at potentially sacrificing his classical good looks (and glasses) for Queen and country, and in your correspondents opinion, he actually looks much better for the experience. I doth my cap to you sir. 

The Stevie G Award for Best Goal – Tom Conway, England vs Bali.

Even though I say so myself England’s consolation goal in their quarter-final defeat to Bali was the best of the weekend. The benefit of writing articles is that your opinion is final, if not entirely without bias. So allow me to paint you a picture. Going a goal down and seeing his team-mates heads drop in a World Cup quarter-final against the minnows of Bali, talisman Conway decided to take matters into his own hands. Demanding the ball be laid it past the desolate keeper who could barely see the ball it was travelling so fast, and rifling into the top corner, ripping the net to shreds. Female spectators swooned, the men merely stood in awe of the achievement, surely they had just witnessed footballing perfection and commented on what a fine fellow that Tom character is, and handsome too, ‘I must buy him a beer,’ they said. Conway, modest as ever, decided to take to the sidelines to allow a fellow team member the opportunity to become a hero to the nation as well.

Or…

England, going 1-0 down to a fitter, younger, faster and ultimately better Bali team made the mistake of passing the ball to young Conway, who exhausted and unfit decided to do away with pretences of passing and moving and just decided to hoon the ball away as fast and as far as he could for a bit of much needed rest. Slicing the ball a tad, he flukily managed to squeeze it past the keeper, whereby Conway promptly decided that was enough for the day and duly substituted himself.

The confused national identity Award – Scotland.

The proud men of Scotland, the descendants of William Wallace, the warriors of the Glen ACTUALLY comprised of several Irishmen, a couple of Danes, an Aussie and at one point, even an Englishman. Still, they went a couple of steps better than their international counter parts by reaching the quarters! And there you have it, a fantastic weekend, where the football was second rate and the banter first class. Finally it leaves me to thank all of the players and organisers of the 6’s weekend, our sponsors and spectators. We hope you’ll all be able to join us next year for the 2011 Bali Charity Soccer 6’s.

Match Report (?) by Tom Conway

We wish to thank our sponsors CoalTrans.

All profits from this event go to the Yayasan Damai Olahraga Bali for the development of community sport amongst the underprivileged of East Indonesia. Further enquiries to info@balisports.com